Let’s Start Over

Yesterday I had this overwhelming pull to write to you. I’ve had it a few times this year, but not like yesterday. I could almost hear the text writing itself.

I guess I’ve felt guilty about not sewing. And since I haven’t sewn in quite some time I’ve just felt like I’ve had nothing to say. I see everyone I follow with a blog just go on about their day, writing. And I’m over here stumped. So much has changed for everyone this year. I honestly thought that life in a pandemic would force me to write more, to sew more, to really steer into my hobbies. 

I was so wrong. 

In July I tried pulling out a sweater pattern and tracing paper. Just to start. I traced and stopped. Would really like that sweater I was working on right about now. I never picked it back up. That’s not to say I won’t. I might. 

Here’s the thing. I made this blog to dedicate this space to my sewing journey. Since I stopped sewing this poor little space has been sitting here. It’s not that I feel bad that I don’t contribute to it. I feel bad because I still want to write, but somehow decided because I don’t sew, then what I have to say isn’t worthwhile. 

I know that’s not true. 

But so often we read that when we start a blog we need to niche down to be successful. I always stuck to that belief. Here’s what I figured out this year. 

I don’t care about the success of my blog. Not as far as monetary gains, popularity, or engagement. I don’t even care if I’m the only person who reads this. My priorities about this blog absolutely changed. 

When I first started blogging back in 2011? Times were different I wanted to be a writer. I earned a degree in journalism back in 2008 and I thought for sure I was going to be a writer. I thought this blog thing is just the start. Fast forward to today and I’m not a writer. I don’t want to be a writer. Ever. Professionally. I tried it, it’s not for me. No thank you. 

Now? I’m a photographer BECAUSE OF BLOGGING. I love learning my craft and I miss the days of just taking pictures of fabric or things around my house just for my blog. 

I’ve been so afraid of posting something STUPID that I don’t post. That it’s not COHESIVE with my other posts that I don’t post. I’m like that on on all of my social media accounts. I just don’t share. And the dumbest part about it is that I want to share. I want to tell the world about my new hobbies or recipes or books that I read. 

That’s the entire reason I thought blogging was so cool. I loved just sitting on the floor with my laptop in front of the space heater and reading about your lives. Then instagram came around and I couldn’t believe how much I loved that either. 

I’ve heard that blogging died, but is now coming back? I don’t know. Who can keep up? 

Here’s the thing. I want to stay true to myself. NO MORE pressure to stay perfect. No more pressure to only post about sewing. This is my gd space that I pay for. I should post what I want. It’s my journal (not my diary, hello, we’re not that close). 

This is about sharing my accomplishments. I can look back at my posts from a few years ago and wish I did a follow up. Or wanted a little more nuance. I can feel in my writing that I never wanted to take up too much space. And that’s ok. That’s how things are when you are learning. 

This isn’t a new years resolution. I don’t make those. This is me wanting to meet myself where I am in my life right now. 

And I have to admit to you all. This has all been a long winded way of telling you that I love painting my nails. I know. I could’ve just said that from the jump but I felt I needed to get things off my chest. We are friends after all. 

I’m proud to say that is this what my space looks like today. It’s messy, but easy to clean up. And it doesn’t take too long. And I can still listen to my beloved podcasts or youtube videos.

Please tell me you’ve started a new hobby during the pandemic? Was it sourdough? Was it knitting? Did you read a thousand books? Or were on TikTok for hours like me? And couldn’t wait to stop working just so you could get on TikTok and laugh? 

I hope everyone has the happiest of holidays. I hope I post more. Who’s to say. It’s my first few days off of work in months. So maybe I’m just relishing in the freedom. 

Thank you for your time and let’s catch up soon!

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